Chasing You
by Warui-Usagi
Summary: Post New Moon. Bella's made her choice. And Jacob's made his. She's trying to let everything go. And he's fighting with everything he has to hold on. BxExJ. Complete. Winner of Best Future fic at the Twilight Awards.
1. Watching

**Chasing You: Chapter 1**

**Watching**

_Warui-Usagi_

_'Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world,_

_Which I find myself constantly walking around in daytime,_

_And falling into at night. I miss you like hell.'_

_--**Edna St. Vincent Millay**_

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**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters or anything pertaining to the world of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does.

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x x x

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All you can do is watch her now. It's as close as you can get — and that hurts. It hurts more than you want to let on because you keep your mask in place. The one _she _used to hate so much because it was all bitterness and arrogance. That's how you're dealing with the pain right now. You're angry, and while you feel guilty for being angry because it upsets _her_, you feel justified all the same. _He _came back — the filthy little bloodsucker that (metaphorically) left her for dead. You hate him because he's made you what you are — he's the _reason _you have to exist, but it's nothing compared to what he did to _her._ And you're absolutely _furious _with _her _because _he_ got away with it. No, he didn't just get away with it; it was as if both _he _and those stupid Cullens had done nothing wrong in the first place…like they were angels to her. 

You're also confused. Confused because one minute, everything was _great _with _her _and then _he _comes back and suddenly, _you don't exist_. You can't be apart of her life anymore. You watch her from the shadows of the forest near _her _house and of course _she_'s with _him_. _Her_ laughter is exuberant and melodious, with a sharp edge — a jagged barb that aims itself directly at your heart. You could never make _her_ laugh like _that. _You can't keep your promise of friendship, but you can _at least_ watch over her…even if it hurts. You catch a glimpse of her face and for a second, you see that familiar expression of _pure _adoration splashed over her features — the one you haven't seen in months. It _crushes _you. She never looked at _you_ like that. The heats building and building and so you have to run away and transform before the tears start again. You wondered desperately before your body explodes if you've crossed her mind at all over these past few weeks. Probably not.

Paul and Embry won't stop fussing over you and of course, you don't fool them. They can hear your thoughts, after all. It's frustrating. You've been on high alert ever since you received that horrible news from _her _— watching the Cullens from a distance on your tiny reservation. They're next to you jabbering away and Sam's in your head telling you to focus…that she's not for you anyway. Like he can talk; he's the one with a _fiancée_. You want to scream at them to shut up, but they still don't leave you alone.

Billy's watching you, too. He doesn't talk to you, but you listen to his conversations with Charlie. For once, he actually agrees with your father — _Edward_,(and it's hard to even _think _the name) in Charlie's opinion, really is a bad influence on his daughter. He tells Billy that he's worried that _Bella…_ouch_…_will get hurt again, and your father enthusiastically agrees. But apparently, even though Charlie hates to admit it, she is herself again. He tells Billy that she's happy and so there is nothing he can do. Charlie's still angry at her, and after the motorcycle incident, her house arrest has been extended by several weeks. You stop listening when the conversation turns to sport. You couldn't care less about it. You feel like you can't care about anything anymore.

On the bright side, the end of another school year is just around the corner. Thank _God_, really — you won't have those _stupid_ teachers on your back about your declining grades. You're _failing_ nearly everything. Not that it matters. You'll be a _werewolf_ your whole life and what's _lousy, boring_ school compared to running at lightening speeds and chasing _scary _vampires? That's when a sudden and painful thought crosses your mind. You're _mortal_. You may be a _bloodsucker-killing-machine_, but you _don't _live forever…not like _them…_and eventually, not like _her_.

A shudder racks your _entire_ body and for the first time since your Phase you feel _cold_. You don't understand why on earth _she_ would want _that._ They _stink — _like a sickly sweet musk that burns your nose. And to your sharp eyes, they don't even _look_ human — they're all _pale, jagged, shiny glass_. You can't even picture Bella like _that_. Everything that was once her will _die_, only to leave a _hollow, stony shell_. And you _swear_ to yourself that _if _he ever does that to her, you'll _rip him to shreds_.

Weeks pass without incident, and you feel yourself becoming _more and more depressed_. Time apparently doesn't heal _all_ wounds and you wish the _idiot_ who said that was still around so you could ask if he'd actually had any _personal experience _— obviously not — before smashing the loser into the ground...anything to make you feel better. Billy is still concerned about Bella, and Sam is still worried about the redhead. You haven't heard _anything_ of her since the Cullens came back, but your Brothers know she hasn't given up and it suddenly worries you when you think about what she may be planning…

But then you remember it's _not_ your job to protect Bella anymore.

You were sitting up in your room thinking about _her _again (how could you _not?_) when you heard the phone ring downstairs. Nobody had called for _weeks_ save Embry, Jared or Sam and you _groan_ as you get to your feet. You don't feel like talking to _anyone_ at the moment, (Not that _that _obstacle stops those three from talking in your head, but still…) and the last thing you want to do is go out on patrol _again_. You know yourself too well — you'll wind up at Bella's place again and make yourself _miserable_ because you realize you haven't seen her in what seems like an _eternity_.

Then your sensitive hearing picks up on Charlie's familiar voice over the speaker and you listen _especially carefully_ to his report. Bella is doing great and he sounds proud of her — her grades will apparently ensure that she'll graduate in top form. She still has a month left of school, after which, she'll be traveling to Jacksonville _with Edward _to see her mother before the two start at Peninsula Community College upon their return.

So, she'd be leaving Forks…you'd suspected as much, but you didn't actually believe that Charlie would _let her go_. Especially with _him_! You found yourself once again angry with Bella's decision; didn't she care about Charlie _at all?_ But then Billy asks if they're going by themselves and _not _to your relief, both Carlisle and Alice Cullen will be joining them. Your father isn't relieved either, but Charlie was _confident_ that _nothing bad_ could happen to Bella with the _wonderful _Carlisle and his _dear_ Alice there. You growled. It was easy to imagine how elated that Bella would be about the trip, and it _sickens_ you. How she could still have _so much affection_ for a family that _broke_ her without any intention of ever fixing her, you would _never understand_.

After your dad hangs up the phone, you duck out the window to your closet bedroom and "call" your pack over for a meeting to share the news. Within fifteen minutes they're all in your backyard. Sam was especially troubled by what you had to share. In his opinion — one that you share with him — Bella would be _in a lot of danger_; or rather, her _humanity _would be. Sam saw that there was no reason for another two Cullens to tag along under the guise of "parental supervision" when Bella's mother _would be there, anyway_. Embry also had something to report — he had been doing his daily rounds when he picked up on the scent of smoke coming from the Cullen property. They were having a huge bonfire by the looks of it but, even with a werewolf's improved vision he couldn't make out what they were doing _without stepping over the lines_.

And so you're up all night now, unable to sleep because you're _having bloody nightmares_ about that _vile _bloodsucker biting _her_…but that's not the worst part. You see her _just standing there_, watching him approach with that hungry look in his eyes and _she won't budge_. You pull and yank at her with all of your strength but _she doesn't move_. She then eventually shakes your arm off easily and gives you the _coldest stare _— as icy as a vampire's skin — before saying that _she's always wanted this_ and that _you have absolutely no right to interfere_. You watch _helplessly_ as he approaches, coming up behind her and sinking his sharp teeth into her warm flesh and her blood-curling scream forces you awake, drenched in a cold sweat. Her screeching still echoes painfully in your head as you shoot out of bed.

You _need _to see her, you decide one day after a week of almost _no sleep_. You have to at least _try _and _talk to her_…even though she's _chosen the vampires over you _and you know that there's _probably no chance that anything you say to her will get through_. As much as you hate to admit it, you've accepted it now —she's not leaving him. She _is _happy and that's what you want for her but still…you thought _she was happy with you, too_. It's almost certain in your mind that if you see her again, it will _definitely be the final time_. The final goodbye.

Your whole body jerks at the thought, almost as if _you're having a seizure_ and so you force it from your mind right now. You'll deal with the pain _later _when you know that it is indeed _certain_. You can't just show up, though. You know that you'll have to get her alone — you'll have to wait for a _sunny day_ when her _beloved Edward_ won't be there to "protect" her from your temper. As if _you'd _hurt her. A game plan is needed as well because she's sure to be quite hostile towards what you have to say. You need to be careful; no doubt her answers to your questions will _not be what you want to hear_. You can't afford to lose control. Questions need to be _planned carefully_. Sunny days in Forks _don't last long_ and you know that Edward will be back _the instant the sun disappears_ under the sheets of usual grey cloud.

Despite knowing that this is a rather grim mission…despite knowing that this could all turn out for nothing — _you're excited_. Bella will be talking to you and you haven't seen her in _months_. Hopefully, you'll both have some _nice things_ to say too. You don't want to be mad at her, but you _know that you will_. Last time you went to see her, you didn't think your plan through well enough. That mistake _won't be made again_. You'll appeal to her emotions and while you know that's kinda hitting below the belt, you'll do _anything _to save her from turning into a _monster_. She _has _to have been brainwashed by them — why else would she think that living _off blood would be an appealing life?_

Abruptly, Sam's powerful voice is ringing vividly in your head. He says that it's only a _matter of days_ before Quil joins your pack. He's already got the burning fever. He'll be staying at Quil's for awhile to _help with the transformation_…and then Sam's gone. You're surprised — you were sure he'd lecture you about approaching Bella. He _definitely_ would have heard your thoughts. Embry and Jared aren't protesting, either. You can hear that they're happy about Quil (Embry especially—he's crowing at you that it'll be just like old times again; you, Quil and him.) Maybe they see it as necessary. Why else would they let you go?

You're shocked that the sun takes _no more than a week_ to make its brief appearance…even better, _it's a Saturday_. You've been kinda nervous since you woke up — trilling your plan over and over again in your head as reassurance, trying to stay confident because you _always get butterflies around her._ Best to leave now…you can't rely on this weather to last. Just as you jump from your window, Sam's in your head: _"Be very careful, Jacob. Do what you have to and then leave…"_ You nod in response before taking off.

You transform to get there faster and sure enough, within a few minutes, you're in _exactly the same place_ as you've been for _months _— in the thick forest outside her house. For once, you notice that _she's not in her room_…maybe she's sitting with Charlie watching television? Breathing deeply, you approach the front door. You have to keep calm…_no matter what she says._

You knock; your heart racing in your chest. You hear someone quietly approaching the door. At the last minute, you remember to put on your _professional face._ The door opens, and Bella has a small smile painted on her lips…then it _disappears_ the _millisecond after she looks up at you_ and you're suddenly _wildly _angry about her response, your skin prickling with the familiar heat. _If you were that bloody vampire she'd be all smiles._

"Bella," you mumble flatly. _You have to stay calm…don't be angry with her, it's not her fault._ Her smell is the first thing you notice — _the whole house absolutely reeks of vampire _— so does _she_. Much to your relief, though… she seems _much _happier — her cheeks are rosy, possibly a little more than normal _and you don't want to even think about why_. Her eyes are _bright_ and even though she was _always_ pale, she's far from the _bleached, exhausted and broken girl _that showed up on _your _front porch almost a year ago. She was _beautiful_.

She averts her gaze immediately and you can see that she's angry, too. "What do you want, Jacob?"

"To talk," you say simply, struggling to keep that bitter edge out of your voice. Her reaction has _hurt you more than you're letting on_. Your excitement at seeing her has crashed and burned in wake of her _obviously foul mood_.

"It's a little late for that, don't you think?" she whispers vehemently and behind the anger, you can see that _she's all twisted in pain_. It hurts you to see it, but then you remember that she has _chosen her side_ and so the fact that she was feeling bad _wasn't your fault_.

"It's _important_. Are you _allowed_ to talk for a moment?"

She shrugs. "Charlie's gone out for a minute. Ask _him_ when he gets _back,_" she says confidently.

"Are you _alone_?" You ask, irritated that she's doing _everything she can to avoid you_. That _stupid vampire_ must have told her to _stay away_. You start shaking in rage. _No. _Stop that. You can't afford to lose it.

She rolls her eyes at you. "What do you think? I should've known that you'd be here on the first sunny day possible."

"Can I _come in_, or will you _step out_?" You challenge politely, already getting your anger under control. You step aside to gesture towards the path down the street. She looks at you strangely for a moment before hesitantly mimicking your actions, holding the door open for you to enter. You smile in victory and she takes a few paces back as you walk in, your nose _burning_ with that _disgusting perfume_.

She slams the door behind you and purposefully turns on her feet to glower at you. "Hurry up. Charlie will be back soon."

You smile at her again. You tell yourself that you're smiling because it's _just so good to see her again_, even if she's angry and probably _doesn't want to see you_. "I don't think that Charlie would mind my speaking with you," you remind her. "Unless of course, we're speaking of _other _house guests…?" You trail off. Let her make of that what she could.

She rolls her eyes at you again, pacing furiously about the room. "No, _Edward _isn't here. A fact of which, I'm sure you're already well aware seeing as you're the one who came to visit."

You change the subject. "So I hear you're going to Jacksonville after graduation," you mention in a rather light tone. "I bet you're _excited _— especially seeing as you have _three Cullens_ tagging along."

"That's none of your business, Jake," she says darkly, her eyes radiating disapproval.

You grin with effort. "I'd thought you'd say that. By the way, this trip to see your mother wouldn't happen to include any _vampire-becoming would it?_" Now it was your turn to disapprove of her plans, and you use your height to stare her down, trying to keep the _real curiosity _and _apprehension_ from showing in your expression. She glares back just as strongly, her will not bending in the slightest. She doesn't say anything, and you internally _begin to panic_. Seeing her mother was just a _cover_? You couldn't believe that Bella was capable of _that_.

Your alarm bubbles to the surface despite your attempts to stifle it and your mask disappears. Somehow you knew that was her answer _all along_. "What about Charlie and Renée?" you demand desperately, and she's standing there shocked at your sudden change of tone. "Do have any idea on what this would do to them?"

Her surprised expression disappeared and she smiled. "Of course I do," she says, voice unnaturally calm. "I wish that there was some way that I could be the only one to suffer, but I know that it's not possible. Listen…you have to understand, Jake — it's too dangerous for me to stay human now. Charlie is in constant danger because of my proximity and I can't even see my own mother because I know my problems will follow me! Victoria's still on the loose and I hate putting _you _through this because you're my best friend and I hate hurting you. I'm a danger magnet and I've accepted that, but I'm tired of feeling so helpless…like I _always _have to depend on you and Edward to protect me and my family—"

Her voice broke then, and tears welled up in her eyes. You stay frozen, trying to will your body to _move_. You _hate seeing her cry_ and you want nothing more than to comfort her…but _you're still angry _— angry because she _honestly_ _believes _that that's _enough justification for her choice_.

"That's not good enough!" you snap, struggling to keep yourself under control. "I…I _like_ protecting you. I don't know why you think you're so helpless…and I don't know what that _stupid bloodsucker_ has said to you to make you think otherwise…but I like…I _liked_ protecting you. It made me _happy_…I'll be _damned_ though if I have to stand by and watch you _die_…" you drift off then because you were distracted by her expression — she looks guilty and hesitant as she bites her lip. Then you realize with a stab of fear that she's not telling you the whole story. This would be the part you _didn't want to hear_.

"What is it, Bella?"

She smiles wistfully at you. "I would have thought it was obvious to you, Jacob."

"I don't get it."

"Of course that's not the only reason — far from it," she explains as she stares at you anxiously.

You wait, not sure if you should block your ears or not. She sighs in defeat.

"I'm not living without him…or without any of the Cullens for that matter. They're _my _family, too." She takes in a shaky breath as she looks at your expression. You don't know why she looks away — you _don't know what your face looks like_…you're _too shocked_ by her news. You want to _scream _and _shake_ her, tell her to forget it all! She's going to _die _in _so much pain _and to her it's all a _fairytale_, like some _noble _sacrifice that ensures she'll live _happily ever after._ You imagine her all _angular _and _alien_ and _glassy _and you can _barely keep yourself under control you're so pissed off_!

And then you hear Charlie's cruiser in the driveway, and you bolt out through the kitchen window _before Bella can even blink_. The fine weather has spent itself already and you're running faster and faster to get as far away as you can because _you know that Edward is the quickest_. The trees flash past you in a tainted emerald blur, but you don't notice. Your body explodes and you're a wolf again, but not before the salty tears make _your fur all damp_…or is it the rain?

_It's both _— the rain's falling and you're mourning, _howling _and howling because you _can't_ cry as a wolf. You're _can't_ cry for Bella anyway…only howl because mentally, she's gone. She's already a vampire. And so you change back into your sixteen year-old-self _and cry and cry_ for her _humanity_…just like a _human should_ because you know _she won't_.


	2. Running

**Chasing You: Chapter 2**

**Running**

_Warui-Usagi_

'_Friendship is one soul sharing two bodies,_

_ Connected for all eternity as kindred spirits,_

_ In a bond that only they can truly understand_

_ Because they are, in essense, the same person.'_

_--**Source Unknown**_

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x x x

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It's only been a week since you talked to her. 

It's only been seven days, 168 hours or 25200 minutes, in which you haven't uttered a _word_ to her. You told yourself all those months ago when you knew she was considering _it_ that you'd be prepared.

_But you're not. _

Because you know that there was a part of you that hoped you could change her mind — that there was some way of showing her just exactly what would _happen_ to her if, _not when_, she went through with this suicide. Again there's Embry in your head telling you that you'll have your revenge; that those _stupid blood suckers_ _will pay_. But you don't _want _revenge because that would make Bella unhappy. You could _never _kill her bloodsucker because Bella would _never forgive you_. You don't want to lose her, but unless Edward leaves, you can't have her.

_Ever_.

But if he's not around, then Bella's all _falling to pieces_ and you hate it when she does that…and even then you can't have her because her heart is still grieving after that _jerk_ who did it in the first place.

Paul's joining in now, too…and Sam's quiet, yet stern voice is in the background trying to get you to snap out of it because you have a "duty as a protector". You're getting _sick_ of all this _bullshit_. The person you were protecting has been _brainwashed_ by that leech. You're screaming at them to _shut up and piss off_; telling them that you just don't_ care_, but they only talk louder.

You faintly remember being happy, _"You're my best friend Jacob"_ but that flew away like a bat outta hell when she finished up with _"I won't live without them_". You were so close to phasing, for a minute; you _honestly believed _that in your rage you were actually going to _hurt her_. You wanted to _scream_ back _"Yeah well they lived without **you** for seven months and didn't seem all broken up about it did they?!"_ but your jaw was clenched so tightly, you couldn't even move your lips. You had to run before you hurt her…you had to phase before you cried. Now you've given up all hope that you'll ever see her again.

That's why you were _really, really _surprised when she showed up on your doorstep on another sunny day.

_Really, really_ surprised…but also _really, really_ angry!

It was your turn to be hostile. "Hi Jacob," she said meekly, a fragile smile on her face. So, she was playing the let's-pretend-that-discussion-didn't-happen-yesterday game. Too bad for her that you don't want to play — you've always been a bad loser…and you're well aware that you've already lost the prize.

"What?" She winces at your bitter tone, but she seems hardly surprised.

She laughs—a hollow, throaty sound that bears absolutely no humor. "Yeah…I deserve that, huh?"

"Yeah, you do," you agree; half in spite, half in confusion. _What the hell is she doing here?_

"Sorry. Would you like to go down to the beach for a walk?"

Did you just hear her right…?

You can feel the blank incomprehension on your face, but you try and right yourself quickly. She can't just _want_ to be here…and even if she does, it could only be out of pity. You don't _want _pity…_even if you **still** love her so much you want to be sick_…

"Listen, aren't you supposed to be with _Edward_ or something?" The bite in your voice is still there — even you can hear it, but she's hurt you. Hurt you _deeply_. At this point, you love her _just as much_ as you _hate_ her for _dumping _you the _minute _those _stupid_ vampires returned. She still cares about you; that much is plain to see, but that doesn't make you as happy as you hoped it would…maybe because she only seems to care about you when her _wonderful _Edward _isn't around_.

"No. He's…busy," she says finally. There's obvious reluctance in her voice, but you don't ask…that'll just make this whole situation even _more worse than it already is_. You're starting to shudder. You _can't_ take this, you realize. You can't _stand _her talking about him because it hurts _so much._ You _love her so much_…

"Goodbye, Bells," you choke, stepping back and swinging the door closed half-heartedly. _Of course_ she stops it.

"Please, Jacob. Give me a chance to explain." You haven't heard her sound this desperate in awhile.

_No_. "You shouldn't _be_ here, I'm pretty sure that's the only thing your bloodsucker and I agree on!"

She scoffs at you, exasperated. "When are you going to believe me when I say that _nobody _tells me what to do with my life?"

"_Sure_."

"What the _hell _are you on about, Jake?" She's getting teary again…she always did when she was mad.

"Shouldn't you be under house arrest?" You arch an eyebrow at her and she just stares back with an unfathomable expression, jabbing a thumb over her shoulder. "Charlie gave me a ride."

"Oh," was the only reply you could think of. Sure enough as you tear your eyes away from Bella, there's Charlie sitting in the cruiser waving from across the road. You wave back, plastering a cheesy smile across your face. You're not fooling anybody. When your gaze returns to Bella, you can see that the tears pooling in her eyes have leaked over the edge, and now you're feeling like a _jerk_ because you _made her cry_…because you _broke your promise_. The cheesy smile vanishes.

"Look, I'm sor—"

"No," she interrupts you, lifting her head to gaze at you through watery eyes. "It's not your fault at all."

You really would do _anything_ for her.

"Alright," you sigh in defeat. "Let's go for a walk."

You grab her hand by habit and tow her down the hill away from your house without another word. You stop suddenly when you realize that _you took her hand_ and she _actually let you._ You ignore the fact that it's limp and cold in your grasp…or at least, you _try_ to. She doesn't complain, though, so you keep going — a small, _real_ smile growing on your lips…but you can't let yourself get too excited. She's _only here to talk_ after all.

A few more minutes and already you can feel the grainy texture of the sand in-between your toes. You hear Bella stumbling along behind you and you grin even wider…_some things never change_.

"So," you start off in a cool, business-like tone, and it's hard to maintain because you're in a much better mood now that she's alone with you and _you're still holding her hand_! "What do you want to talk about?"

"Do you…want to hang out for a bit?" she asks and you tell that that's not what she really wanted to say, but _how could you say no_?

"Sure." You feel the muscles in your cheeks stretch to their limits and you remember that this was what happened whenever you _spent time with her_. You quickly realize that you're falling back into habit with her again and try to tell yourself that it's _not going to last_ but you know you're not listening; _her hand is too distracting because you're **still** holding it_.

Her hand slips out of yours and you feel yourself frown, but then you see that she's just gone over to look at the small rock pools accumulated a few feet from where she was standing, and you follow.

"_Be very careful, Jacob. You know she's not here for long." _Sam's warning echoes in your head and you roll your eyes…you _know _you won't hurt her. _"That's not what I meant_,_" _Sam objects, his tone much firmer this time. _"You know she's not yours…"_

"_I know!" _you roar back, completely pissed off with him for being in your head at a time like this.

"She never was…" you mumble dejectedly under your breath.

"What?"

You said that last part out loud? _Idiot!_ "Nothing," you reassure her worried expression with a smile. She doesn't buy it.

"Ummm…so how's the…werewolf-ing going?" Bella asks awkwardly, giggling at how stupid she sounds. You laugh too, and again you realize how _easily _you click together with her. Kindred Spirits…

For _one _day.

You shrug, hiding your disappointment at your revelation. "Pretty good. How's your life going?"

"Great!" You watch the huge smile creep onto her face and her eyes sparkle. Your intuition flickers and you realize that smile _isn't for you_. You don't even notice that you're shaking until her voice is there in your ear, telling you to _calm down_. Both of you feel the chasm in-between you and how _desperate_ you are to fill it in, but because you're both on opposing sides, you _can't _talk without inevitably offending each other. You can't even _look_ at her; both of you are so busy pretending to be fascinated with that _stupid _seaweed…

You grab her hand again, determined now to not leave things awkward like they are. "That there's some darn good seaweed." She gives you a weak smile. _That tension breaker sounded a lot better in your head, but Embry disagrees_. You drag her away from the pools and upward onto the sand dunes, catching her by the wrists when she falls. You do that _a lot_. You don't pull her up by the waist _like you used to_. You know she probably _wouldn't like it_ and you can see that she knows you're hesitant to touch her and looks away, biting her lip. Her hand _slips from yours_ and you _want_ to grab it again but you _don't _because she _still looks uneasy_. That bothers you quite a bit because she was _never _uncomfortable around you _before_. You swore to yourself once that you didn't care that she didn't feel the same way, but that was when there was a chance that she _eventually might_. You can see now that she _never _felt that way…and _never_ would.

It takes awhile for the natural flow of conversation to start — you're both talking about the most _cliché_ things; Billy and Charlie's health, Embry, Quil, Jared, Paul and Sam (well, maybe not too cliché considering that you and your friends are werewolves, but, still…) you knew things were getting pretty bad when you got on to the _weather_ and the _beautiful view_. These topics were _never_ strange before; you're both trying _so hard_ not to offend each other, choosing your words _so carefully_. Eventually though, Bella asks you about your cars and mechanical skills and you _can't stop yourself_. You probably wouldn't have kept going if she hadn't seemed so interested. Then you're laughing and telling jokes, bending over and trying to breathe because your chest aches from lack of air. It's as if there was no gap now, but you don't reach for her hand again — _that caution is still there_. You _can't stop smiling_ though and you find yourself wishing once again that you could stay like this with her, forever. She skips away from you toward the rock pools again, climbing carefully on hands and knees up along the ancient formation. She stops there to turn and beckons for you to follow.

You perch yourself down next to her and ignore the hard, irritating surface because you're _actually sitting next to Bella _and you'd be willing to put with a _hell of a lot more_ for that privilege.

"I can't believe I've finished school…" she mumbles, her voice distant. You don't even realize until you turn to look at her that she's standing, her eyes gazing out unseeingly over the grey ocean. You stare at her, and suddenly you're feeling _very_ uncomfortable in the silence of her thoughts because you know she _isn't_ thinking about what college she's going to next year, or her plans to have a family in the future — she's thinking about Edward and being a vampire; _about sucking blood and being all pale, shiny, glassy, and hollow. _She's thinking about being _dead… _

You slouch down onto a smaller rock along the shore, the waves lapping soothingly at your feet in a lame attempt to calm your frenzied thoughts. You watch her the whole time and she _doesn't move an inch_. Running a nervous hand over your shorn hair and without even giving thought to the first thing that comes out of your mouth, you say it.

"I don't understand."

Still Bella doesn't budge, even though you know she heard you. She speaks after a moment, her tone casual. "I know, Jake. But you're still my best friend anyway. You'll _always_ be my best friend."

"_They're **burning **everything?"_

It took you a moment to distinguish the voice in your heard from Bella's, but you did. It was Embry. Again.

"What the hell!"

"What's wrong?" Bella's off her rock now, giving you an anxious stare. You ignore her and turn to look behind you, your determined gaze locking on the horizon over the forest. Sure enough, there's a huge balloon of grey smoke there, and your eyes widen in alarm.

"_Who is it?"_ You quiz Embry urgently in your head. Bella's come to stand beside you, her chocolate eyes also locked on the fire, her expression full of irrational panic.

Embry snarls in revulsion in your head. _"Why don't you ask your little leech lover there? I'm sure she knows **all **about it."_

"_Don't call her that!"_

"_Whatever man."_

"I wouldn't worry about it," Bella says finally, but the reassurance doesn't touch her eyes. You'd forgotten for a second that she was even there. "It looks controlled, and there are no laws against burning old scraps in a backyard. It'll rain tonight, anyway. It won't last long. Everything will be gone tomorrow morning, just as if it had never existed. Tell Sam not to worry."

You _may_ have been _imagining _the double meaning behind her words. Or at least, you sure as hell _hoped_ you were.

"What are you talking about?" You're completely lost as to _why _she's talking in riddles and it's the last thing you need.

She doesn't answer, her expression eerily calm as she turns her gaze skyward. "I should get home. It'll rain soon and Charlie's probably waiting."

Sure enough the ominous sound of thunder rings clear on the horizon and you watch Bella start her quick stumbling back up the sand dunes toward your house. A flash of orange lightening crackles loudly across the dark sky and you hear Bella yelp in fright as she falls to her knees in the soft sand. You start striding up the deep slope, and just as you grab her icy cold wrist, both of you are engulfed in a heavy downpour of costal rain.

"What the hell are you doing Jacob?! We're getting _soaked_!" She tries to wrench herself free, and because her pale skin is slippery, she maneuvers her wrist out of your grasp successfully and makes another dash for the house. You chase after her, your sharp eyes focusing on her drenched form fumbling down the hill, her balance faltering consistently yet somehow, she always manages to catch herself. You could easily catch her, but now that your house is within view, you can see Charlie's cruiser waiting out the front and you hesitate. There's no one inside and so you sprint to catch her. Luckily enough you grab her before she falls flat on her face.

Your help, though, seems to be last thing she wants. Bella whirls around to face you, her expression furious as her sodden brown hair sticks to her bleached cheeks. "**Jacob**! Can't you wait until we're inside and _dry_?!" The initial anger disappeared then, and you could tell she knew what you wanted to say, but she obviously had absolutely no intention of having this conversation with you at all. Her eyes are sad now and you think that's she probably been crying, a mixture of tears and rain pooling in the corners of her eyes. You don't want to have this conversation here anymore then she does, but if not now…if not here, then never.

You have to try one more time. You _know_ how scared she is.

"Don't do this Bella. Please. You don't have the faintest idea what you're getting yourself into." You tighten your grasp on her shoulders, trying to get your message across through with some sort of physical recognition.

"Oh? And _you_ do?" Now her face is turning into a bitter mask of disapproval.

"Yes, Bella. I see them for what they are."

"I see them too, Jacob. They're not monsters, they have emotions, they have _souls_. I love them. I _need_ them."

You always get _so angry_ when she stands here and defends them like they're _damn_ _saints_ when they're the ones who _shattered_ her heart and left her to pick up the pieces.

"Charlie and Renée need you," you tell her in a shaky, matter-of-fact voice.

There's no hint of remorse or guilt in her eyes, only pain — a pain you know is just _common sense_. "They don't need me…I'll miss them of course. I'll miss you all so much. But Charlie was living by himself for fifteen years before I came along, and as for Renée, she has Phil and her own life to lead. So do I."

"Is _he _really worth losing everything? Your family? Your friends? Your _life_?" you ask incredulously, blinking away the water constantly dripping in your eyes. It's hard to talk over the storm rumbling overhead.

She doesn't hesitate, and her voice is strong with unshakable conviction despite her violent shivering. "Yes."

You move your large hands up to clasp her face, and her skin is surprisingly warm. She stiffens, her head rigid in-between your palms. It's hard to keep a firm grip and at first you think it's because of her dampened skin. But then you realize that you're shaking…_a lot_ and Bella's trying to tell you to _calm down_ through her clenched jaw. It's _so hard to concentrate_ though when you know the _instant _you let her go, you'll _never see her again_. You want to find another way to ground her to keep her away from that _stupid bloodsucker_, to kidnap her and keep her safe. Keep her human. But you know that'll never work…Bella's stubborn to a fault and she'll do _whatever it takes_ to go through with this _insanity_.

"You could've kept it a secret and just…disappeared. So why come to see _me. _I bet Edward doesn't want you here anymore than he wants you to—"

"FOR THE LAST TIME JACOB, NO-ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE! EDWARD DOES **NOT** CONTROL IT! EDWARD DOESN'T EVEN KNOW I'M HERE!"

"What? Then why the hell _are _you here?!"

Bella closes her eyes and breaths deeply; you push the guilty feeling to one side. "_To say goodbye_," she says simply, with just the tiniest hint of a growl, and you soften your grasp so she can speak freely. "You are my best friend, after all." The words physically sting you — sending a shock right through your whole body. The sudden pain throbbing _madly_ in your chest is making it _hard to breathe_…and so finally, in that split second, those words push to a decision you thought you'd never, _ever_ consider.

You let her go.

She doesn't make any move to run away; she stays frozen in the street, watching you struggling to keep your heart in one piece. You're on your knees now; the will to stand has been taken away by the pain. You're at her mercy in the middle of this abandoned street and both of you are soaking wet. She gingerly places a cool, shaky palm against your blazing cheek, a deep sadness resonating in her eyes. She leans forward slowly — her entire fragile frame shivering with the cold — and presses her lips lightly to your forehead, like a singeing ice burn against your boiling skin.

"Goodbye, Jacob. I'm…sorry. For everything. For hurting you, for…for leaving you, for leaving everyone." She sounded genuine — her voice broke twice. Not that it mattered.

She starts to walk back to the house, hesitates, then turns and comes back, kneeling down in front of you — tremors are violently wracking her body and her lips are a disturbing shade of blue. It takes her a few tries, but she mimics your previous actions — placing her frosty palms against your hot cheeks and resting her forehead against yours. Her sudden proximity alarms you, but you fight back the urge to grab her; your fists clenching painfully at your side. "J-Jacob…please…I know I have…no right, but can I…ask you to do something for me…no…two things, actually?" You don't answer, but she continues anyway. "P-Please…look after Charlie, and…and, and I know I sound like a…a hypocrite, but p-please…just…move on with your life…don't let me hurt you anymore than I already have. Be someone else's sun; make them as happy as you made me…happier, even."

Again, she stands up, turns, and walks back to the house.

You don't follow her. You don't move. You phase right there, howling in the storm.

The final goodbye.

-------------------------------------

After that day, you never saw her again. She didn't make it home that night. According the police reports, she disappeared without a trace. They had suspected the Cullens, who moved out of the area the next day because their house was burnt to the ground in a "tragic" accident. But nothing could ever proved.

You were sitting at the kitchen table when Charlie rang Billy, and you were already talking to the others in your head…already preparing. The treaty was broken.

This meant War.

And this time…it really _was_ personal.

-------------------------------------


	3. Fighting

**Chasing You: Chapter 3**

**Fighting**

_Warui-Usagi_

"_A final comfort that is small, but not cold:_

_ The heart is the only broken instrument that works." _

_--**T.E. Kalem**_

* * *

x x x

* * *

"Why the _hell_ are you here?" 

She won't answer. Instead she glares at you—blood red eyes flaring with fury—then up at her long, pale arms pinned against the jagged rock face by your large, tanned fists. She feels so _cold_ and _hard_. When her gaze returns to you, it's even darker than before. But she still won't say anything. Your rage suddenly flares and you begin to shake.

It's hard to stay calm when she's looking at you like that—that hungry, livid expression that sends chills down your spine. She was supposed to have disappeared, and quite frankly, she _should_ have stayed that way. She can't be seen around here anymore. Not only for her own sake, but for the sake of the people she so _cold-bloodedly_ abandoned. The changes in her are drastic, something you still can't get over and you've been holding her here like this for close to an hour now. Her ruby eyes disturb you, and her frightfully alien appearance is enough to make you sick. It was just like you had imagined…only_ so much_ worse. Her body sways to an unnatural grace that seems so sinister. Her features are so glassy…so smooth…but still so angular; like a novice sculptor has carved her marble body without smoothing and rounding out the edges, leaving them pointed and over-defined. Not one inch of her entire being is _rounded_ or even _remotely natural_ looking. She's become a walking crystal. It's _so_ _painful _to look at her because you feel like you've _failed_—failed to save her from such a…_ugly _existence. She moves slightly underneath you and her mirror-like skin reflects the dim light emitting across the small meadow, making her seem almost inanimate for a second, before the light slowly fades away behind the horizon.

It's darker now, making her seem _slightly _more human, allowing you to see _some_ of the girl she _used to be_. You're _so angry at her _because you _thought_ you were just starting to get over her…just starting to put your life back together, and then the _second_ your eyes find her all of your work _falls to pieces_. Just by seeing her again you've had to admit to yourself that you _never_ really got over her after all. But what makes you _even madder _is that you _still love her_. Even after _everything_ she's done…after everything she's said…you're _still_ head over heals for her.

You couldn't be madder with yourself, because you know what that means…

It means that even though she's a _vile bloodsucker_…even though she's betrayed everyone she ever loved in the coldest of ways…even though you _should _kill her because of what she is…even though she was the one who broke the treaty after over one hundred years of strained peace between her kind and yours…even though your hairs stand on end all over your body purely because of what she's _become_…

…It means you would fight for her life without hesitating for a second.

And you couldn't _hate her more for it_…because you're pretty sure she _knows_ that. And it hurts you more than you can say to know that she's using you for her own little games. Why else would she be here?

Your face naturally folds into the usual bitter mask of anger, hiding your pain. It's still hard to look at her. Now all you want to do is cry, but you hold the tears back. It won't do you any good. They'd be wasted on a creature that no longer cares if you've been hurt or not. That much has been made clear just by the way she looks at you with such _hatred_.

"Why are you _here_, Bella?" You ask calmly through clenched teeth, fighting back the urge to look away as a gush of cold air sweeps past you, stunning you with that _disgusting _perfume off her skin that burns your nose. It's strange, though. She has another slightly nostalgic scent _all over_ her body—different from hers—and you can't pick it. Although still highly unpleasant, it's _familiar._ Whilst you can pick a vampire a mile away, they all have subtle differences in the way they smell. It's almost hard to breathe because the scent is so suffocating.

Again her jaw tightens as she strains away from your face, signaling to you that she plans to _still_ tell you nothing. Her palms instinctively tighten into fists as her eyes continue to bore holes right through your skull. You tighten your hold to prevent her escape, and she growls—a soft, feeble sound vibrating in her chest. It distracts you, because it sounds so…so _animal _and so _un-Bella_. So _un-human_. You don't think you'll ever get used to it.

"Are you going to tell me? If not, then get the _hell _out of my sight before I accidentally hurt you. You're my enemy now, Bella. Friend or not," you growl back, suddenly releasing your hold on her and stepping away. She catches herself elegantly—again so unlike the Bella she used to be. You half expected her to fall over—before she bounds a good distance away. Her body moves fluidly through the long grass and flowers, and you follow her every movement with your sharp eyes. The moon's milky light engulfs her frame as it moves, and now she's even more _surreal_ then when she was in the sunlight.

That's when she surprises you. Her face goes from furious to confused in an instant…and then she's abruptly curious, tilting her head to one side as she stares at you with those horrid eyes. "Ja…Jacob? Is that _you_?"

Was she playing dumb?

"_Of course_ it's me! Stop being stupid!" you roar, your voice carrying out over the small meadow in a loud echo. She doesn't flinch. She only continues to stare with a frustrated look…and then she smiles wistfully.

"Sorry," she whispers while looking away. "My instincts just took over and I was lost to them. As soon as I caught a whiff of you…it was like someone else just took over"—she pointed toward the cliff, a bewildered expression crossing her alien features—"…and then you threw me up against the rock face and I just remember thinking '_danger danger danger_' because you smelled so _bad…_and I couldn't see your face clearly…then you let me go and I was back to being me again…"

She stares down at her hands in amazement and then flashes you a smile; her deadly teeth flashing in the moonlight. "I guess I'm still getting used to it all."

Now you're sure that you're the one who's terribly confused, because she's acting _so nice_ and as if nothing ever happened—as if she's not a vampire and you're not a werewolf. It's irritating because you're still _so mad_ at her, but you just saw her smile and the anger is melting away. You're clawing at it, trying to keep the fury within you, _but_ _she's still smiling_. But then you remember how much danger she's in and everything that's she done and next thing you know, the fury's bubbling under your skin.

Somehow, you manage a frown. "Get the hell out of here," you say firmly, and her smile disappears instantly. "You'll die if you don't. The treaty's broken. If you're seen around here, you'll be killed."

Again, she doesn't move, her figure swaying with the gentle breeze. Her chocolate brown hair is caught in a sudden updraft—distracting you—and then she's suddenly there. _Eerily, terrifyingly_ _close_, her brilliant red eyes trapping you in her gaze. Your breath hitches in your throat again from the thick, musky fragrance coming off her skin.

A note of sobriety enters her voice and it sounds strange in your ears when you hear the question. "How's everyone handling it?"

She sounds so detached…so apathetic that the familiar anger boils away under your skin again. You knew what she was implying, being so pathetic in not just saying the names of the people she "apparently" cared about. Perhaps that was her weakness and she wasn't as uncaring as she seemed. Still…

'_How's everyone handling it?_' You don't want to remember what it was like for you…for _everyone_ so wholly connected to Bella when she didn't return that stormy night. It's still bad now…but nothing compared to then…

_Your eyes forced themselves open through a hazy grog, your subconscious clinging to a dream that's already been forgotten. It's been a week since Bella disappeared, and you've been hoping to hear something of her…**anything**, although you expected not to. She's run off with her bloodsucker after all, why would she care about you now? You wished you were still asleep because now your chest is aching with the memory of Bella's goodbye. You want to go back to being trapped in a dreamless coma because the pain is still tearing away at the walls of your heart._

_Something must have woken you up._

_Then you heard it. The loud, repetitive ringing of the telephone—the last thing you want to hear right then because you knew who was on the other end. It was Charlie wondering if you knew where Bella is. You knew who she was _with_, but not _where she was. _It's not like you can tell him that though. You knew something that might help Charlie find her and instead you were forced to have to stand by and watch him suffer._

_The phone was still ringing._

_You pinched hard against the bridge of your nose, and idly wondered if it was possible for a werewolf to get a headache. Why hadn't Billy answered the phone yet?_

_Shit. You were going to have to get up. And it was going to hurt._

_You groan as you dragged yourself to your feet, slumping over and throwing your head in your hands. The phone stopped ringing then and you're angry because you were already up by then…_

…_Bella was dying._

_You don't know how you knew. You just did. There was an irritating, gnawing feeling at the back of your mind, not to mention the pain in your chest. It was almost like an on-coming heart attack—your arms were trembling and numb and your chest was constricting tightly. It was bad, and you wondered if at this exact moment Bella was lying in some dark basement screaming and writhing in pain as that **horrible** bloodsucker's venom drained away all of her vitality with every passing second._

_You wanted to be sick._

'Jacob. Stop.' _Sam roared in your head and you winced. Everything was falling apart around you and you were powerless to stop it. You still are._

'Enough. I know it hurts, but Charlie needs your help again.'

'Why can't you go?' _you growled back._

'Because it's your turn,' _he said matter-of-factly._ 'Jarred and Paul are tired. We've been patrolling all night. Take Embry with you and get going.' _That was definitely an order and you knew better than to fight with Sam. You slumped over towards your window and sprang out, landing effortlessly on the ground below. You were still extremely tired, but soon enough you were running—so fast that the houses, trees and cars were nothing but a mixed, ugly blur. You poured all of your thought and energy into it, anything to get your mind off of Bella…at least, for awhile. You don't take Embry with you. He'd prove to be too much of a nuisance because he'd want to talk, and you didn't feel like talking to anyone unless absolutely necessary. _

_Charlie never took Bella's disappearance very well at all. Not that you were expecting him to, but even his reaction startled you. He spends all of his waking hours searching the town, searching out of town, searching through the reservation, for some sort of proof…**anything** to tell him that she's alright. That she's coming back. That she is indeed still **alive**._

_You know that she isn't._

_You have to be the one who goes and watches him—to make sure that he gets home alright. Billy tries to spend as much of his time with Charlie as possible, but there is only so much that he can do. You know one of the reasons that he searches so diligently for his daughter has something to do with Bella's mother, Renée. She was the one who raised their daughter, and Charlie never really recovered from losing her. You can't even begin to imagine how must he must be tearing himself up inside because he caused his ex-wife so much pain by having to tell her that he **lost **their **only **child. It hurts you **so much** to see Charlie in such pain because you see Bella you can imagine that Bella's in a lot of pain, too—screaming, shaking, convulsing…_

_And you can't do anything. _

_What a mess…_

You snarl angrily as the memory fades from in front of your eyes, revealing the still unfamiliar and shocking form of the girl you once knew, but _still love_. She still has that curious look on her face, almost as if she can't imagine why your eyes were sad.

It's impossible not to be offended. What else did she expect to find _if _she returned? Did she honestly believe that you'd be all smiles? That her parents wouldn't be grieving like they were? You almost feel sorry for her if that's what's she honestly expected.

You stare down at her in disapproval. "Why did you let him do this to you, Bella?"

Her inquisitive expression vanishes instantly and is replaced by an incredibly wary one. There's a hint of anger when she speaks. "Do what?"

"This!" you say incredulously, desperately trying to convey your message, even though you know it's too late. "He takes away everything from you and leaves you broken, and then when he suddenly re-appears, you welcome him back with open arms without any kind of consequences. Didn't you ever get angry at them just _once_ for what they did to you?" The words are flowing fast now. You've had all of this bottled up underneath that bitter mask for sometime now and it's almost refreshing to let it all out, even though you already know her answer.

Almost.

"No," she whispers in an uncomfortably calm voice. "I've always loved them. No matter what. At one stage, I didn't think the feelings were returned, but I know now that they've always felt that way about me, too." Bella smiles, the conviction in her voice seemed to make her relax a little. She looks up at you then, her mood abruptly shifting again. Are all vampires this moody? "You've grown," she says, bewildered as she arches her neck all the way back in an exaggerated motion, giggling to herself.

You're not laughing.

"What do you want?" you demand gruffly, quickly becoming impatient. You've figured out by now that she didn't just come back here for no reason—not when she didn't have to…and it must be pretty important if she's willing to put her "beloved" family of bloodsuckers in danger while doing so. More importantly, you want her to _get the hell outta here _before Sam and the others show up. You can't go against the alpha's wishes, and you know that you'd be ordered after Bella. You don't want that. You realize then that there would be no point in killing Edward, either. As much as you would like to, it still wouldn't change anything. In fact, it'd probably only make everything worse. Bella would still be a vampire, and her "family" would _definitely _"return the favor" were you to do away with Edward. But Bella loves him, and you know that if push came to shove, you wouldn't be able to do it, because Bella would be unhappy, and no matter what she's become, you couldn't live with yourself if you were the cause of that unhappiness.

…Still, teaching him a lesson couldn't hurt. Could it…?

"I made a promise to myself, once," she started, snapping you out of your private revere. "That day when I had to say my first goodbye…the day Edward thanked you for saving me…"—her voice was thick with pain—"I promised myself that, before I had to say goodbye to you forever, I would see you _truly _smile. And until that day comes…I can't make myself _truly_ leave. I can't let go."

You don't know what to say to that.

"It was just like I promised you, Jacob: you'll always be my best friend. Regardless of what happens between us, I'll always think of you that way."

"What about Charlie and Renée? What do you think of them?" Your question was almost inaudible, but you know she heard it.

"I love them. I always will," she said confidently, a slight, sad smile playing on her lips.

"But not as much as _Edward_," you nearly spat, and the sudden change in your voice surprised her for an instant, before her face smoothed back over into cautiousness. This time though, you could see there were slight traces of irritation sparkling in her eyes. You're starting to tremble again.

"It's not like that!" she replied with just as much hostility, her eyes narrowing as she shot you a death glare.

"Then what is it like, Bella? I'm sorry but from where I'm standing, it looks as if you've abandoned everyone except your _beloved bloodsuckers_. Am I wrong?" You started growling then as your shacking slowed. You were definitely getting better at keeping your temper under control, but it could very easily slip. This is, after all, was a _very_, _very dangerous _conversation to be having with her. If you don't control your emotions, you could easily phase and attack her without any control over your body. It's so…_uncomfortable _around her. She's not fazed by you at all, and you don't like that. That means that someone has taught her how to protect herself and whilst in a pack, werewolves can _easily _kill a vampire, when it comes to one-on-one, they tend to have a better advantage because unlike you, they're more durable and what they lack in speed, (when compared with a werewolf that is) they make up for in strength and venom. The venom can't kill you, but Sam says _it hurts like hell_ and you're sick for _days_.

"I had no choice. I've told you already; I wasn't going to live without him."

You scoff; furious that that's her only _pathetic _excuse. "_Of course_ you had a choice, Bella! Do you want to know how your mother took it? She just collapsed—she was like _you_ just after Edward disappeared; catatonic. She still _is _pretty bad, from what I hear. You _could have_ stayed _alive_…for Charlie…for her…for _me_."

She's calmer now, and that bothers you. You can't tell if that comment about her mother has bothered her or not. You hoped it would. The fact that she can discuss the condition of her parents with such…_detachment_ proves to you just how much _brainwashing _she's been subjected to by those vile blood drinkers. Vegetarian or not.

"No," she says firmly again, her voice rising as she shakes her head slowly back and forth. Her head moves, but her eyes don't. They stayed glued on you. "When I returned from Italy, it was obvious to me that…_if_ Edward left again, there would be nothing of me left. I wouldn't have survived had he left me a second time."

Dark, rainy clouds begin to make their way across the sky, blocking the moonlight. Again you notice how much more human Bella looks in the pitch black of night, and you almost want to cry at the thought, because it's clear to you that that's all there is left of her human self now. Her human _shell_. Everything else that used to be her is forever dead, never to come back to life again.

You'll miss her _terribly_ when she leaves. Just like she said about Edward, you're not sure what'll happen when she takes off again. When she said goodbye the other times, you always had an inkling that she would _somehow_ come back. But now you know that she's going this time for sure, and you don't know what that means, or how much it will hurt. It's hard, because even now, when you're both on opposing sides—both so completely _un-human_—you're _still_ on the same page with her. Kindred Sprits.

And this is the first time that's bothered you. Because it's going to make it that much harder to let her go.

She's thinking the same, too.

Even with the absence of moonlight you can see the uncertainty and pain in her expression—an expression that's reflective of your own, you're sure.

You realize now that no matter how much you beg and plead Bella for justification, it doesn't _change _anything. She'll be a vampire for the rest of eternity—the worst kind of immortal death there is. Never-ending.

That means that you really will _never _see her again, because _you are_ mortal. Not only will you never see her again in life, but in death as well. She's been barred from conversing with you because of what you are, and she's been expelled from the only place you _could_ have seen her again because of what she's become. That final revelation is enough for you to feel like you're drowning in pain and there's no relief in sight. Not ever.

You'll be spending the rest of _eternity_ without her. You _want _her. You _need_ her. You _love_ her. And it means _nothing_.

Suddenly, it's hard to breathe.

"Tell me, Jake. How have you been?" She's watching with alarm, her eyes anxious, and you wonder what your face looks like. It's an easy enough question to answer, and yet it's hard to answer at the same time. You _could_ tell her how you've been handling it all…how you've tried your best to not think about her…about how you've been trying to pretend that all of this isn't happening at all. In hindsight, you're probably worse off than Charlie and Renée—at least, while they have trouble _dealing _with it, they've _accepted _it. You haven't. You _absolutely refuse to._ Yes, you're _drowning_ in denial, but for now, it's better then having to come to terms with the pain. But you don't think you could tell Bella all that without bursting out of your skin. Literally.

But the problem is that you're starting to wake up to reality of the situation. You want to scream at your eyelids to stay closed, to keep feigning ignorance for at least a little longer, but they don't obey. You can feel your face twisting in pain and you see Bella physically cringe at the sight, her eyes suddenly horror stricken and remorseful.

"I'm sorry, Jake," she chokes, her palms automatically rising to cover her mouth. "I shouldn't have come, but you had to know…and I knew you were the only one who would listen to me. You have to know that a war isn't necessary anymore."

It was easier to recover when she mentioned that, and with some effort, you managed to put your mask back on. "Yes it is," you say, your voice still a tad shaky. "You know very well what happened when that bloodsucker bit you."

"Jake! The treaty hasn't—"

You both froze then, eyes darting to the thick, dark forest. Something…or rather, _someone _was coming. Here. Quickly.

And you knew it was a vampire.

You watched Bella, and her expression surprised you; she looked almost frightened. Her head whipped around to meet your gaze, absolutely scared stiff, her vivid ruby eyes worried. You realized a second too late that she wasn't afraid for her own safety, she's worried about you. "**Run**!" she bellows, but just as the word left her mouth, your un-invited guest suddenly breaks through the black thicket and out into the clearing.

His eyes dart around anxiously for a moment, before coming to rest on Bella's face and he instantly relaxes, his expression calm.

It was Edward. Hmph. That explains the smell _all over _Bella. You don't even want to _think _about _that_.

His features changed as he watched her; crumpling into an enraged expression. He was mad at her it seemed, and you could probably guess why…

Bella hadn't told him she was coming to see you.

His petulant gaze returns to your face, and just by him simply looking at you, you feel a _huge_ shudder rack your entire body.

"Jake, no!" Bella commands, but it's much harder to keep yourself under control with him_ staring at you like that_.

Edward grabs Bella, pulling her behind him in a protective stance and you growl—the shudders are becoming more regulated. As if _you _would hurt her. You have to calm down, you realize. Before anything bad happens.

"Get out of here, Bella," Edward whispers urgently to her, his voice bleak. But she only shakes her head.

"No. Not unless you come with me."

Her eyes flash to yours for a moment and for a second, the shaking stops.

"You're not fighting him Edward. I absolutely forbid it."

"I won't fight him, Bella," he says coolly, but his snarling contradicts his tone. "But you need to get out of here. Now. I'll finish up here delivering the news. You should have told me you were coming here, though. What if something had happened to you?" He sounded disappointed in her, and you found it hard to believe that he was even capable of such an emotion.

"You wouldn't have let me come."

"True," he says, voice grim. The whole time, neither one of their gazes left your shuddering face. "And this is why—he's barely keeping his temper under control."

"_I _would **_never_** hurt her!" you roar, your control slipping. It's never been this difficult before, but you know that he's trying to push you to prove his point—to prove to Bella what a monster you are.

'_Jacob!'_ Sam screams in your head. _'We're on our way_._ Keep yourself under control for just a little bit longer, alright?'_

"At any rate," Edward snapped, his eyes furious, "you won't be able to, anyway. You're on _our_ land and the treaty still holds its boundaries. So tell your dog friends not to bother."

The shock of his statement, and the accompanying dread that he might actually be telling the truth, was enough to sober you for the moment. Although, _how _it was even possible was something you couldn't understand. In your head, the rest of your Brothers were also confused. Sam was cautious. _'Stay on guard, Jake. It could very well be a trick—he's a good liar, that one.'_

"No, don't _you_ bother—I know it's a trick, so forget it."

Edward snorted. "Would we risk our lives coming out here to play a practical joke on you?" he asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow. The action only made you seethe. As much as you hated to admit it, he had a point. You straighten up—still shaking, but under control now—and fold your arms defiantly over your chest. "Get on with it."

Edward smirks. "I didn't bite her."

"Then who did? Carlisle? Or one of your coven's females? It doesn't matter, the fact still stands that _someone _from your family has bitten her. The contract is broken and there's nothing you can do about it."

"No," he says slowly. "There is." He enthuses every syllable, watching you with a hard expression.

"What then?"

Edward took a deep breath, eyes intent on your face. "True, our family _turned _her, but we didn't _bite _her," he explains, picking his words carefully. But it's not that which bothers you—it's what he _isn't_ saying that causes you to be skeptical.

"So then what _did_ you do?"

"The treaty says that as long as we don't _bite_ a human, it still stays in place."

Again, it's what he's not saying there that has you worried. But you're also not sure and slightly baffled—does that mean the treaty still stands…or is this some brilliant bluff of his? You'd best wait for Sam, you decide. You don't really know much about the technicalities behind the contract that keeps the peace between your kind and his. But that still leaves one question…

If he didn't bite her, then _how _did he turn Bella?

"Does it matter?" Edward asks suddenly. You growl; you'd forgotten for an instant there that he could read minds.

"Of course it does! How _did_ you k—"

Edward suddenly tenses, snarling. Bella made a move to put herself in front of him, protecting him like a shield. He tried to pull her away, but she didn't move.

You relax. Sam's here, and Jared, Embry and Paul are reeling up behind him. Sam was perfectly calm, but the others were stiff and edgy as they stared down the vampires half way across the meadow. You looked over towards Bella and she didn't seem anxious at all, either. Her eyes were mad though, but Sam didn't care.

"Bella," Sam acknowledges quietly from his position with a slight nod. She only mimics the gesture and says nothing.

"If the treaty still stands, then we'll need proof that you indeed didn't break it."

"I can do that," Bella says casually. She takes a deep breath before she begins. "We didn't want to start a war, so we found a way around the treaty. The contract between our two kinds clearly states that should a vampire bite a human, it will be void from that point onwards. Edward didn't bite me."

"We know!" Jared calls impatiently, a large shudder running down his spine. Sam called for him to be quiet and he obeyed, even though he was still quivering quite noticeably from where you were standing. It was dangerous—Sam's concentration was divided, and that wasn't safe. Most of it was centralized on making sure Jarred and Paul didn't explode out of their skins and attack their _still_ "innocent" guests.

"We won't," Edward promises, reading your mind yet again. Something in the tone of his voice made you think he was trying not to laugh. "We want peace as much as you do."

Finally, it was your turn to say something. "Then why risk losing it on _her_?"

"Jacob…" Bella whispers, but you ignored her. None of this made any sense. He had to be lying. They _must_ want to start a war. Why else would he change her? If peace and privacy meant anything to these blood-sucking leeches, why not just leave Bella human? It would have made everything so much more bearable for everyone…

"Enough," Sam calls, a rare sound of impatience in his tone. "Just tell us what you came to say and then leave. Your family has already created enough anxiety and pain in this little town. So tell us once and for all…_how_ did you change Bella into a vampire if you didn't bite her?"

Bella steps forward, her head bowed to avoid your Brothers piercing stares. Yours though, was anxious. You didn't know what you wanted to hear. On one hand, a war meant you'd get revenge, but you know you don't want it. But if there isn't a war, then once again the vampires get off scott-free without any consequences for what they've done to Bella and her life…for what they did to the people she once _loved_. And _that_, in your mind, was inexcusable.

Suddenly, her head flew up to meet your eyes, and her answer came out in nothing but a quiet mumble. The pain in your chest flared when your saw how sad her eyes were. Edward stood tensely at her side, eyes darting from one werewolf to the next, watching your every, single move _very _carefully.

"Edward kissed me."

You had _absolutely no control _over what happened next.

You. Just. Lost. It.

Sam saw it coming, and you could hear him screaming at you to calm down, but his voice was already muffled and far away. Bella's watching you carefully, hands splayed out in front of Edward. That just made you even more angry, 'cause you could see Bella clearly, now—convulsing, screaming, dying…and all the while, that _bastard_ keeps _kissing _her…keeps _killing _her You're even more upset when you see Bella's arms splayed out in front of Edward; doing everything she can to protect him from harm.

Embry, Jarred and Paul surround you, trying to hold you back, but the instant they try to move in, you burst out of your skin with a loud ripping sound that fills your ears. The whole time you never take your eyes off Bella and she's trying to tell you something—you can see her lips moving, but you can't hear a word. She looks worried, and she's pushing Edward farther away towards the bushes. You can hear fuzzy, angry voices in your head, none of them distinct or familiar.

You catch a glimpse of Edward behind her, and you charge. He's snarling and growling as he runs out from behind Bella, and as soon as you pounce, you think that you've finally caught him.

But the instant you blink, Edward's gone.

Now Bella's there instead…and you can't stop yourself.

She's not mad, though. She's still trying to tell you something, but she's not angry.

She doesn't try and protect herself, and for one horrible moment, you actually _believe _you're going to kill her.

'_Bella…I'm so sorry.'_


	4. Remembering

**Chasing You: Chapter 4**

**Remembering **

"_The existence of forgetfulness has never been proved:_

_We only know that some things do not come to mind when we want them to."_

_--**Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844 - 1900**_

* * *

x x x

* * *

****

"_Now hold on just one second, Bella. Tell me something."_

"_What?"_

You couldn't change things…

"_You like me, right?"_

"_You know I do."_

You were stupid to even think it was possible…

"_Better than that joker puking his guts out in there?"_

"_Yes."_

It was pointless to ever believe that she would…

"_Better than any of the other guys you know?"_

"_Better than the girls, too."_

Senseless to hope that she felt the same way…or rather, that she would eventually…

"_But that's all."_

"_Yes."_

And yet, even after she warned you…even after she tried to make the boundaries clear…

"_That's okay, you know. As long as you like me the best. **And **you think I'm good-looking—sort of. I'm prepared to be annoyingly persistent."_

"_I'm not going to change."_

You still fell in love with her…

"_It's still the other one, isn't it?"_

"_Don't worry. You don't have to talk about it."_

But now you wish she had…

"_But don't get made at me for hanging around, okay? Because I'm not giving up. I've got loads of time."_

"_You shouldn't waste it on me."_

Because maybe then you would've understood. Maybe you would have still been friends. Maybe…just maybe, you wouldn't be hurting so bad right now.

"_It's what I want to do, as long as you still like to be with me."_

"_I can't imagine how I could **not **like being with you."_

Yeah right…

* * *

You feel _something _fall away under an angry fog…lost and unimportant, now.

You brace yourself for the impact of running into a brick wall—the texture of a vampires' skin—but you're oddly looking forward to it. Already her scent is assaulting your nostrils—that sweet, musky perfume that almost knocks the air clean out of your lungs…the scent that's _screaming _at your senses to attack and _bite, bite, bite her already!_ because she's a filthy _bloodsucker_. She's the reason you have to exist. You have to _kill_ her. Quickly.

But why do you feel so _sad_ about having to attack this one?

An instant before you're supposed to hit the female, she's gone—rolling across through the wildflowers and out of your way, barely dodging your attack. All that remains under your steel claws are a few displaced strands of hair from her head. By the time you land and recover, she's already off the ground and on her feet, flitting off into the dark emerald blanket of the surrounding forest. You follow every one of her sharp movements as her figure pales in the moonlight. Her head snaps around to find you and your chest suddenly aches when you catch a glimpse of her ruby eyes. You try to ignore it.

Do you _know _her?

Soon enough though, you're right behind her; her chocolate brown hair flailing behind her in the strong wind created by her speed. It's _just _out ofyour reach, but then again, you aren't at top speed yet. The trees fly past you in a blackened, jaded blur and the fingers of moonlight filtering through the canopy seem to make the forest as alien and strange as the being you're chasing. Suddenly, your nose is flaring with the scent of another vampire coming up just behind you. Its approach is anxious, desperate, angry—knocking and scratching at the edges of trees. Not like a bloodsucker at all. You decide to stay on track and follow the female in front of you, but within seconds, you find that the vampire behind you has caught up, his image broken up and blurred through the think wall of ancient trees.

"Bella!" he screams, and in response she tilts her head slightly, and you catch her expression; one of close-to-pure fear. Your heart lurches painfully in your chest and you almost stop running completely. For some reason…you feel as though you _don't _want her to be scared of you. But that doesn't make any sense…

"Edward! What should I do?"

You're falling behind now, the aching in your chest making it hard to breathe. That name seems so _familiar_ to you but everything is just one angry blur. You can feel something trying to push through in your consciousness—a memory, perhaps—that's on the edge and just out of reach…

"…_Don't quit on me now, Jake. I can't take it."_

What? Did she just say something?

"Just keeping running! I have an idea but for it to work, you can't afford to slow down. Understand?" His voice was firm, barely concealing the quivering panic. You shake your head violently to dispel those sympathetic thoughts. They don't care about what happens to you. They _hate_ you. How could you feel so _bad_ about killing a _monster_? That _stupid female_ must have brainwashed you. _You _hate them. They're going to get away if you don't do something soon. You need to speed up. But before you can, a loud groaning fills your ears, then a snapping—each sound distinct in your sensitive ears—a tree's falling… just ahead, but it's not going to hit you…

Then something _even louder_ makes your ears _hurt like hell_.

The sound of boulders colliding right in front of you, and your eyes snap shut from the shear force of the collision. Your heads _pounding_ and your ears are ringing _so_ _painfully_ that you _can't open your eyes_. What if these bloodsuckers attack you? It was an _ambush_. It _had_ to be. You have to get in and _sneak up_ on them first before they _kill you_…but you _can't even open your freakin' eyes!_ Your whole body's tense, on guard—every, single strand of your fur is standing on edge…just waiting for them to attack. But you can't make _any sense_ of where you are. You've stopped. But _nothing_ is happening. And after you open your eyes and everything stops _blurring _and _dancing_ and your head stops _pounding _and _screeching_…you realize that they hadn't planned to attack you at all.

"_I know you don't want to do this, Jacob. You have to calm down."_

The female you were chasing has disappeared.

…But not without leaving a trail.

You scan over the scene before, waiting for your sight to sharpen again, and it only takes you a few seconds before coming to a plausible conclusion. The path of obliterated trees at your feet that lurch sharply off to the left were obviously destroyed by the sheer force of their momentum. Apparently, the other vampire that was trailing you had thrown himself through the trees to save the female—_his _female—and you don't understand why that thought makes you so angry.

"_Are you…are you breaking up with me?"_

This voice in your head _may _sound familiar, but it's _not_ making _any_ sense _whatsoever_.

Then you hear them.

It's not what you expected to hear, but it sounds like they're…they're _fighting_; the _perfect _opportunity to sneak up on them and attack. Your chest tightens again, but this time it just makes you angry. How the _hell_ do you know these vile bloodsuckers?

"_What's the worst part about being a…about being a werewolf?"_

"_The worst part is feeling like I'm out of control…like I shouldn't be around you." _

They both sound incredibly mad. You skulk your way through the trees, closing in on there location. Their voices are clearer now and you listen to their argument.

"You're not going anywhere, Bella." The male says in a firm voice that clearly showed he was in no mood to argue.

"But I have to help him, Edward. He _is_ my friend!" She counters just as strongly.

"You _still_ think he's your friend? Even after he just tried to _kill_ you?" His voice is bitingly sarcastic and even from here you know instantly that they're talking about you. "I _refuse_ to let you go, Bella. I _refuse _to lose you."

"I'll be fine," Bella says slowly. "You won't lose me." She doesn't sound like she beliefs it though.

He can see that. You hear his teeth clamp together. "No."

"Edward…I'm not going to fight this with you."

"You're terrified of him, Bella. Admit it."

Why do you suddenly hope she'll say no…?

"Yes. I am," she sighs, "but he's my friend and I _have _to help him. I _will_ help him." Why do you _need_ help? Why do you have _so many_ questions that are answered with words and memories that don't make sense? More importantly, even _if _you did need help—which you _don_'_t—_why would you let a vampire help you? Why would she _want _to help you? What the _hell_ is going on?

Why do you even _care_? Why haven't you attacked them yet? Why do you _keep_ hesitating?

"Bella please…we have to get out of here before he finds us again. I acknowledge that he's your friend, but I don't think I'm in any shape to display restraint. Not after what he just tried to do to you. I don't want you to be ups—"

'_Too late.'_

In less than a second you're out from behind the shrubs and lurching towards them. Lurching towards _him_.

"**Jacob! No!**"

Suddenly, Bella's there in front of him—_again_—arms splayed in defense, eyes burning a hole through the back of your skull. Her body tenses and you watch, full of trepidation, as she starts to move towards you; her expression flaring with determination.

She's going to kill _you_.

"**Bella**!"

* * *

"_Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?"_

"Not me."

* * *

All you have to is open your eyes…but you're afraid of what you may find when you _do _open them. Has she attacked you yet? Are you dead? Your head feels cold; the icy feeling traveling all the way down to your neck. Does that mean you've _lost_ your head? Was it snapped clear off your shoulders? But, you can still breathe…although you _dare not _fill your aching lungs, the capability is still there. You don't even twitch you're so nervous of the female vampire _could _do…that is, if she hasn't done anything even more horrible already and you just don't know it yet.

Yes…just open your eyes.

As your eyelashes tear themselves apart and wait for the light to seep through and sharpen your sight, you _immediately_ realize that you actually have a bloodsucker _touching you._ The scent is over-powering and you can feel their in-humanly hard, icy skin against yours—even through your thick fur. The contact makes you involuntary shiver. Of course you begin to panic…but then your eyes adjust to the moonlight and you're incredibly confused by what you see.

The female looks like she's _hugging _you.

You arch your neck _very_ slowly and find her fingers digging tenaciously into the fur above your ears, her stone-like arms wrapped in an un-breakable hold around your neck and her pale face hidden within the bristles of your chest. Her mate…_Edward_…seems just as surprised as you are. What's even weirder is that despite her _freezing cold_ skin, you feel warm…you're actually _really, really enjoying it_.

"…_The problem is that it means something different to you then it does to me," _echoed the same familiar voice in his head.

"That's enough, Jacob." Her voice is muffled by her face in your hair. Your ears must be playing tricks on you, because you swear that she sounds like she's going to cry. She pulls her face out from your chest to stare up at you; the same eyes that once burned you just by looking at them were now filled with a placid kind of sadness.

"I know this whole thing is my fault, Jacob." She smiles a hard, frustrated smile. "It _always_ is. Even as a vampire, I'm a danger magnet. But please, Jake…you can stop being so angry now. I've hurt you, a fact that I'm going to have to live with for all of eternity…"—out of the corner of your eye you see Edward's face twist in response to something she's said—"…but, this is the life I have chosen. I have no regrets and I'm happy. More than you could possibly imagine. And whilst your anger is justifiable, you can't blame anyone else for this whole mess but _me_. _I _made this choice. _I _nearly created a war. If you're going to hate someone for the rest of your existence, hate _me_."

'_But I can't…'_

The anger's slowly slipping away and as it does…a small flicker of recognition penetrates the angry fog of your thoughts.

'_Bella…I've missed you so much.'_

You remember her smile, her hand in yours, her laugh…her _warmth_…

But then you also recall the first time you lost her…

"_Sorry," you had whispered to her. "Bye, Bells."_

"_You promised," she begged desperately. "Still friends, right?"_

_You shook your head slowly. "You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but…I can't see how I can keep trying. Not now…" It was very difficult to keep your bitter façade in place…and then, realizing that this was probably the last time you'd see her…the last time you would see her human, you feel the mask disappear completely. "Miss you," you mouthed, reaching out towards her._

"_Me too," she echoed, her hand outstretched to meet yours, her eyes radiating the pain that made your chest heave._

_But then she was stopped._

"_It's okay," she whispered up at the vile bloodsucker holding her back from hugging you. It's obvious that she **wants** to._

_Bella was completely relaxed by the thought touching you. You'd never hurt her. She knew that. She trusted you. But the vampire still didn't relent. "No, it's not," he said matter-of-factly, his expression unreadable, cold._

_That made the anger flare again. "Let her go," you snarled, livid. "She wants to!" On the verge of losing it, you took a couple of steps towards him, anticipation for a fight suddenly coursing through you. It wouldn't take you long to deal away with him…_

_Edward pushed Bella behind him and turned to face you._

"_No Edward—!"_

"_ISABELLA SWAN!"_

"_Come on! Charlie's mad!" Bella was panicking, her voice trembling. You could see she was desperate to get her beloved leech-lover away from you. "Hurry!" She tugged on Edward's arm and he followed slowly, his eyes never leaving your face. You watched Bella and Edward leave with as dark a scowl as you could manage. As soon as they both disappeared behind the trees, your face crumpled in pain, finally free of the bitter mask you knew Bella hated. You had hurt her, but she'd almost killed you with her decision. You couldn't stay. You run back into the woods as fast as you can, ready to tell your Brothers everything…_

Then there was the _second time_ you lost her…

"_You could've kept it a secret and just…disappeared. So why come to see me. I bet Edward doesn't want you here anymore than he wants you to—"_

"_FOR THE LAST TIME JACOB, NO-ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE! EDWARD DOES **NOT** CONTROL IT! EDWARD DOESN'T EVEN KNOW I'M HERE!"_

"_What? Then why the hell are you here?!"_

_Bella closed her eyes and breathed deeply; you pushed the guilty feeling to one side. "To say goodbye," she said simply, with just the tiniest hint of a growl, and you softened your grasp so she could speak freely. "You are my best friend, after all." The words physically stung you—sending a shock right through your whole body. The sudden pain throbbing madly in your chest was making it hard to breathe…and so finally, in that split second, those words push to a decision you thought you'd never, ever consider._

_You let her go._

_She didn't make any move to run away; she stayed frozen in the street, watching you struggling to keep your heart in one piece. You're on your knees now; the will to stand has been taken away by the pain. You're at her mercy in the middle of this abandoned street and both of you were soaking wet. She gingerly placed a cool, shaky palm against your blazing cheek, a deep sadness resonating in her eyes. She leaned forward slowly—her entire fragile frame shivering with the cold—and pressed her lips lightly to your forehead, like a singeing ice burn against your boiling skin. _

"_Goodbye, Jacob. I'm…sorry. For everything. For hurting you, for…for leaving you, for leaving everyone." She sounded genuine—her voice broke twice. Not that it mattered. _

_She started to walk back to the house, hesitated, then turned and came back, kneeling down in front of you—tremors are violently wracking her body and her lips are a disturbing shade of blue. It takes her a few tries, but she eventually mimics your previous actions—placing her frosty palms against your hot cheeks and resting her forehead against yours. Her sudden proximity alarmed you, but you fought back the urge to grab her; your fists clenching painfully at your side. "J-Jacob…please…I know I have…no right, but can I…ask you to do something for me…no…two things, actually?" You didn't answer, but she continued anyway. "P-Please…look after Charlie, and…and, and I know I sound like a…a hypocrite, but p-please…just…move on with your life…don't let me hurt you anymore than I already have. Be someone else's sun; make them as happy as you made me…happier, even." _

_Again, she stood up, turned, and walked back to the house. _

_You didn't follow her. You didn't move. You phased right there, howling in the storm._

_The final goodbye._

And then…the _final_ revelation that you had indeed lost her forever; when you came upon her in the meadow. You had to fight yourself just to get up the strength to _look_ at her—the reason you had attacked Bella in the first place…

"_Edward didn't bite me…he kissed me_._"_

The treaty _was_ still standing…and you have broken it by openly attacking the vampires first.

"What are you doing to him you _leech_? Let go!"

"Jake, you okay buddy? What did she do? You look as if you've seen a ghost!"

"Jacob, snap out of it right now!"

"_She _hasn't done anything!"

The arguing voices snap you back to reality and when you look up, you can see your brothers standing right there, arguing fervently with each other…with Edward. Embry approaches you, and you watch the glint of anticipation in his eyes carefully. "Don't worry, Jake. I'll get her off you."

Edward snarls, but Embry just shook him off. "Calm down, lover-boy. I won't hurt her…yet."

Edward only growls louder, the sound ripping from his chest as he crouches in anticipation, fists clenched tightly at his sides.

Bella's knuckles instinctively tighten around the clumps of your fur; ready to fight. But, instead, you back away from Embry, growling at him in warning. You remember clearly now. She endangered her life to save your sanity and now, you'll do everything you can to protect her, too. You owe it to her. You _still_ can't believe that you actually had tried to attack her…actually tried to _kill_ her. You completely lost it and now you feel utterly ashamed, because you've broken yet another promise you made; more to yourself rather than her, but still…you'd promised that you would never lose your temper around her. Ever.

Embry gives you a confused look and behind him, the rest of your brothers stop arguing to watch what you're doing. "Jake, man, you too? What the hell is wrong with you? Are her arms wrapped so tight around your neck that she's cut off the oxygen to your brain? 'Cause you ain't thinking straight."

You only snarl louder in response and your friend's eyebrows knit together in irritation. "Come on, dude. I'm trying to help you out here," he says, taking another step forward. You immediately take a snap at him, baring your teeth, and he cringes back and sighs. "Fine. Whatever man. You wanna be a hero, don't let me stop you. But you're wasting your time protecting her. Why do you still let her get to you so much?"

"That's enough. Stop it now, Embry." It was Sam, calling in his usual authoritive tone.

"Hmph. He's the one who's lost it," he mumbled, stepping away.

Just at that moment, another unfamiliar wolf broke through the trees. This one was a starched, snowy white with a few displaced, odd black spots here and there. The most obvious one covered its entire right eye. The strong beams of moonlight reflecting off his fur made him seem even more intimidating. It surprised you when it looked straight at you with such a knowing gaze. It took awhile for recognition to sink in.

"Yes, it's Quil," Paul answered for you, a disgusted look on his face. "You've been so busy chasing your _beloved _vampire there that you weren't here to meet up with Quil for his first run."

"Bella!" Edward called, his voice seething with disgust. "We're leaving. Now." He begins to shove his way past Embry and the others, all eyes on him. He stops a few meters away from you, his eyes flickering warily from your face to her back.

"Alright," she says finally, sighing meekly. She lets go of your fur, and the warm feeling instantly vanishes, intensifying the pain in your chest. Edward makes a grab for her arm, pulling her away towards the forest. Sam steps in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. You take the opportunity to flee into the forest to phase back and put some clothes on. No doubt Sam will want to reassure them both about the newly enforced treaty. And you want to say goodbye to Bella properly this time.

You're back out in about three seconds, and Sam's _still_ talking…Bella's _still_ there. You release a breath you didn't realize you were holidng. She turns to see you when she sees you reappear, her eyes filling with relief as she smiles at you. "I thought you didn't want to say goodbye…which is understandable I suppose," she whispered. Edward's hand tightened around hers.

"Sorry," you mumbled, utterly ashamed, but she only shook her head. "S'okay. It's my fault." Her voice was bleak, broken. She knew what was coming. You had to fight _really, really _hard to keep your expression smooth.

"Bye, Isabella," you mouthed. Your voice wouldn't work—the giant lump that had formed in your throat made sure of that.

She beamed. "No, I'll find a way to see you again. I promise."

You laugh, but it only sounds broken, chocked. _'Still as stubborn as always…'_

It's amazing, but you're not angry anymore…sort of. Even when you see Edward's hand clutched tightly to hers…even when she leans into his shoulder, smiling up at you. You wonder what it is. Is it because you now know Bella has _always_ loved you, not in _that_ way, the way you'd like, but that she's _always_ cared about you? That you're still her friend? Is it because you've finally accepted the path she's taken in life, no matter how much you oppose it? You still _hate _Edward _with a passion_, but you _still love _Bella, and that seems to cancel your initial anger at him out, for the moment at least.

…Is it because you know she's _happy_, even when you _won't _be without her in your life. So much for not being angry, it bubbles lightly under your flesh because you remember Edward was the one who took her from _your_ life…from _her_ life, willing or not.

"If you turn another human—bite or not—we'll be onto you," Sam warned Edward in a low voice.

Edward didn't reply. He only nodded.

"Well, as much as I would love to stay here," Edward announced, voice dripping with sarcasm, "I believe it's time we left. Bella, shall we go home, now?" It wasn't really a question. He couldn't _wait _to get out of here.

Bella only nodded once before Edward pulled her towards the trees. She turned to look at you one last time with a brilliant smile. It was that which triggered the memory, Bella's sweet voice ringing as clear as day in your mind.

"_I made a promise to myself, once," she started, snapping you out of your private revere. "That day when I had to say my first goodbye…the day Edward thanked you for saving me…"—her voice was thick with pain—"I promised myself that, before I had to say goodbye to you forever, I would see you truly smile. And until that day comes…I can't make myself truly leave. I can't let go."_

You call on all of your happy memories of her, all the laughter and joy you shared with her, and poured it into your face, releasing a _real, _effortless grin for her as you watch her disappear behind the trees. The look you catch on her face makes you believe that she's going to cry.

Then she's gone. And you're _still_ _smiling_, because you know that you'll see her again. It's just a matter of time now.

You've kept _your_ promise, now you wait for her to keep hers.

'_I'll find a way to see you again. I promise.'_

You grin towards the forest. _'And I'll be looking forward to it.'_


End file.
